O&P website and blog,
are where most of my new writing on M/s appears. The IE website will stay
online indefinitely to host the IE Essays and lili's writings.
So you want to be a slave: the Realities
By miria hunter
miria's article goes a long way to answering some common questions about
what consensual slavery is actually like. It also contains some important
warnings for submissives attracted to the 24/7 relationships we discuss on
the Internal Enslavement website. However, the article was originally
published elsewhere and places more emphasis on the submissive giving up
power than we do in IE.
I decided to write
this article because I have seen so many submissives come into the lifestyle
expecting everything to be dream-like and perfect. I don't wish to ruin
anyone's dreams, or turn them from the activity, but what I wish to do
is to explain how things really are. Being a slave can be, and is for
me, a wonderful life. It's everything I wanted it to be. It is also more
than I ever expected, and had someone explained the realities to me prior
to my decision, it would have made my transition so much easier. For the
purpose of this article, I am addressing issues related to being a 24/7
slave. These comments are from my viewpoint, which is that of a female
slave with a male Master. By no means do I wish to exclude Domme's or
male slaves. For them, I cannot comment from personal experience. This
is just my view from a real-time experience.
First, there are a few things you need to discover for and about yourself.
Do you wish to be in this type relationship 24/7? Perhaps you only wish
to be in it during the scenes. Maybe you want to role-play at only during
certain times. There are many ways this activity can be done, but you
have to figure out what is right for you.
Second, you need to learn to be honest with yourself. Figure out what
you will and will not do, and what is a "maybe". Search inside yourself
for what you really want, and when you find it, be honest to anyone you
talk to. Don't agree to something long-term that you know you will not
be able accomplish. Ask yourself some hard questions. The rest of this
article will give you aspects to contemplate so you can base your decisions
on reality, and not someone else's dreams of how it should be.
Are you prepared to surrender 100% control of your life to someone else?
24/7 slaves do this. Role-playing would mean entering into this relationship
only for the time agreed upon that the Master would have the total control.
Once the scene is over, everything returns to normal.
Do you enjoy country music? Maybe you love Rock and Roll. Consider this.
The Master who's collar you will eventually wear, may only like classical
or another type of music that you don't enjoy. Are you prepared to give
up those selections and only listen to His music? This type sacrifice
can apply to many other things you currently enjoy. For myself, I love
old love songs of any type, and my Master is into Hard Rock. Because of
His preferences, I rarely get to listen to my songs. But, when I am a
good girl, at times, He does permit me to listen to my choice of music,
as long as I get my assigned tasks and chores done. Note, I said, "permitted
to". Something as simple as listening to the radio is a reward for me.
It is not a given that you will be permitted to enjoy even this little
pleasure whenever you wish. These limitations can apply to many areas
of your life such as TV, choices of food or friends, just about anywhere
anything! Is there a certain style of clothes you love? Certain colors
and scents you wouldn't be caught without? If your Master doesn't approve
of them, you may be wearing a totally different style with colors you
never would have dreamed of. He may lay your clothes out for you every
morning. Are you prepared to abide happily by His choices? If He asked
you to wear something very skimpy to someplace simple like the grocery
store, could you do this without hesitation? I am lucky in the fact that
my Master lets me chose my own clothes most of the time. But at anytime,
should He decide that He wants me to wear something else, I am to change
immediately. Trust me, He does exercise this right. I have learned to
always ask Him what He would like me to wear if we are going someplace
Are you prepared to change your hairstyle, length, or color to please
your Master? All of these will belong to Him once you accept your collar
as will everything else that once belonged to you. You will no longer
own anything. From the time you take His collar, everything will be His.
It will no longer be "your" car or "your" clothes, but "His", on loan
to you as He sees fit. If He should so choose, you will not be permitted
to wear clothes at all. This will be His choice, not yours. Remember,
you will have given up all rights to make these choices for yourself.
You have a favorite chair, or a certain way you like to sit or walk? Your
Master will decide whether you sit on furniture or on the floor. He will
have the say if you are to cross your legs, or sit with them spread wide-open.
You will have to ask permission to even climb into bed, or sit on a chair.
Most slaves are allowed a cushion on the floor that they do not need permission
to sit upon, but very little else. You will even need permission to eat
at the table with your Master.
It's been a long hard day at work. You get home and want nothing more
than to relax in a tub and go to bed early. Well, you won't be able to.
Being tired, ill, or just in a bad mood does not excuse you from your
required tasks. You are still required to do them: prepare His meal, and
go to bed when He tells you to. Retiring for bed usually occurs at a set
time, even if you are not ready to go. There will not be an "I am too
tired" or "I don't feel well": nothing of the kind. Unless your Master
has excused you from your tasks and chores, you will remain responsible
for making sure His needs and wants are filled: no matter what. It is
your job to inform your Master of your physical health status. One of
your main jobs will be to take care of and protect, His possessions. You
being are the most prized one He owns. As long as you let your Master
know how you are feeling, He will make sure that your tasks will be appropriate
to your capabilities.
Many come into this lifestyle looking to be used sexually, to service
their Master at His whim. They never consider other aspects. The main
part of being a slave is to be of service to your Master, and not to be
serviced for yourself. However, being readily available to Him at all
times is also an unspoken expectation. The old excuse "not tonight dear,
I have a headache" doesn't work in a D/s relationship. In order to provide
Him pleasure, you must also express to Him the pleasure of the moment
for you as well. Never make your Master feel this is a chore to you:
you would rather not do, but will only because you have to. If your Master
tells you to do something, it will not be up to you to question Him. You
will be required to respond with no questions asked. At a later time (if
this is permitted in your relationship), you may ask Him for permission
to speak on an equal level. If He gives permission, this will be your
opportunity to ask your questions. However, it is important to ask in
a way so as not to question His authority, but at the same time to satisfy
Do you feel being a slave is to be coerced: forced into servitude? Do
you think you couldn't do this unless you were? Then think again. Slaves
enter into this relationship of their own free will. This is not the day
of forced slavery; it is a matter of choice. Yours!
You are the one who
will decide to give over your power to your Master. You will be doing
this, not because you are forced to obey, but because you need to. Yes,
during the course of your relationship there will be times you will be
forced to do something, but it will never be something that goes against
who you are. Your Master may feel obeying this command will help you to
grow into the best person you can be, or will help you break out of an
inhibition you have.
How is your temper? Are you quick to fly off-of-the-handle when you are
upset? Or are you laid back, accepting anything and everything, and then
go off to sulk because your feelings were hurt? A Master does not wish
to have a doormat for a slave nor does He desire to be told how things
should be. Learning when and how to say things will become very important
in your relationship. If you do not tell your Master when something is
bothering you, then you have no right whatsoever to become upset. However
wonderful and omnipotent He may seem, He is not a mind reader: unless
you tell Him, He won't know. The key, as I said a moment ago, is in how
you tell Him.
Your self-discipline is very important in this relationship. Do you tend
to put things off until the last possible moment? You won't be able to
do this when you are owned. There will be chores and tasks your Master
will assign that He expects to be done in a timely fashion set by Him,
not by you. Your Master's wants and needs will be put before your own.
Self-discipline is similar to self-control. Your ability to follow complete
assignments made by your Master will be very important. As a slave, you
will need to be able to control your own actions well enough to be able
to remain within the boundaries set for you by Him. If He says you can't
do something, simply, you can't. Doing it anyway, and not telling Him
doesn't make it right. In the case of a Master/slave relationship, what
you don't know can hurt you, as well as the relationship you have worked
so hard to build. Even a simple "white lie" can destroy the trust so necessary
to really establish this type relationship.
As to wants and needs of your own: do you know the difference between
the two? If not, I strongly recommend you figure them out before entering
into servitude. Sometimes the two are hard to distinguish, but it will
become important that you do so. Your Master will ensure all your "needs"
are taken care of, but the "wants" will be His to allow or not, as He
sees fit. Needs are the necessities of life that are required in order
for us to remain mentally and physically healthy. They allow us to grow
emotionally and spiritually. If you can survive without something, then
it is a want. Wants are usually given as a reward for good behavior.
In order to be a slave, there will be many things you have to learn to
accept within yourself and adapt to. Your primary purpose in life will
be to see to your Masters pleasure (both mentally and physically) in any
manner He should desire. In order to do this, you will have to learn your
Master well. Find out what pleases and displeases Him. By this, I do not
mean just sexually. You will learn that sex is but a small part of your
relationship. Learn to anticipate His every need and desire without being
pushy. His needs and desires will encompass intellectual stimulation,
physical pleasure, emotional support, and many other things unique to
Him. Remember - physical does not equal sexual. Physical pleasure may
include, but is not limited to, touch, favorite foods, textures, clothing,
and colors as examples. It will be your job to make sure His physical
pleasures are met in everyway. Think of the five senses, and make His
environment pleasing to all of them. Never forget - the most pleasing
thing in His environment should be you.
As His slave, it will be up to you to figure out what pleases your Master.
He should not have to ask constantly for the basic things - you should
have learned them. If His glass is empty, quietly and unobtrusively refill
it. Remember, you are doing this for His pleasure not your own. Just because
He does not notice and praise you doesn't mean you are doing it wrong.
Look at His smile. Is He comfortable? If He looks happy and content, then
you have done well, and should bask in His content. Always remember that
you do this for Him and not for your own satisfaction. Your happiness
should come from serving Him and His being happy.
As I said in the beginning of this article, I am not trying to scare you
away from the world of D/s. My goal is to make sure that, when you enter
our lifestyle, you do so with your eyes wide open, fully knowing what
to expect. The road will not be an easy one. You will have to re-learn
much of what you once took for granted: things you just did without thinking,
like simply sitting in a chair. These are habits we never even think about
anymore. That is, until we find a Master.
Everything else you learned before reading this article is probably true.
Being a slave is a wonderful life: one where you are taken care of. Most
decisions are out of your hands and in those of your Masters. But, many
choices will still be left up to you. Most Masters want a slave who is
smart, has a sense of humor, and a will of their own. There is no pleasure
in owning a doormat who just sits or is only walked upon. He will become
bored very fast. Being yourself is the best advice I was given, and I
have found this to be absolutely true for me.
You will find being a slave everything you dreamed of and so much more
if you enter this life knowing more of what to expect. If you are meant
to be in the lifestyle, you will find that, where you were once only walked
through life, you will be gliding on air. Parts of you that never were
complete will then become whole. In relinquishing control, I have found
freedom: freedom to find and be the person I am inside.
It is my hope that, after reading this article, you will be able to make
a more informed choice about entering this lifestyle. Never forget that,
one of the most important requirements for existing in this lifestyle
is honesty. Honesty with yourself first. However, you will find that this
is not as easy as it sounds. Once you learn to do this, you will find
yourself at peace and able to enter your servitude with clearer mind,
knowing where you are and where you want to be. When you accept your Masters
collar, you give up all your rights. Your friends, your life - nothing
will remain yours. Being a slave means giving up so much more than you
would if you were only being submissive. You give up all rights in your
life. Slave isn't just a word; it's a way of life, a defined action. Be
well, my friend, and I hope you enjoy this lifestyle as much as I have
come to love being in it.